Monty Python Goes GW
by Stacey-Marie
Summary: Duo is seated calmly at a desk, in a nice black suit. The desk however appears to be out balanced precariously on some rocks and pebbles of miscellaneous size on a beach somewhere. “And now for something completely different.”
1. episode one

Title: 

Title: GW Goes Monty Python (or Stacey-Marie watched the BBC marathon too long)

Author: Stacey-Marie

Pairings: none

Part : 1/ ?

Warnings: bad versions of Monty Python and general idiocy

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and all of it's characters, mecha and other miscellaneous stuff isn't mine so don't sue me because you have a better chance of finding a live cabbit in my room than something of value. Of course Monty Python doesn't belong to me or I would be a really rich SOB, however I'm using it's various sketches and splicing them with GW for my own insane purposes.

****

GW Goes Monty Python (or Stacey-Marie watched the BBC marathon too long) Episode One:  


Duo is seated calmly at a desk, in a nice black suit. The desk however appears to be out balanced precariously on some rocks and pebbles of miscellaneous size on a beach somewhere.

"And now for something completely different."

___________________________

Zechs crawls up onto the beach out of the water, where we see the Tallgeese still floating, gasping, and panting in a torn Oz uniform.

"It's: " 

_________________________

****

Maxwell Python's Flying Circus-s-s 

: the words pop out of several beam scythes which are followed down into a flowerpot. A giant egg is dropped on the plant, which breaks to reveal a chibi Lady Une, minus glasses. Jumping happily around she runs in circles till a giant hand cutout puts her glasses on and then she promptly grows huge fangs and eats a flying flock of houses. Then she is mowed over a Wing Gundam with chicken wings. Scene follows over to a paper cut out of a naked Sally rolling by on a cart. She passes by Wufei dresses up in a judge's robes, he looks around suspiciously before lighting the fuse to his rocket booster behind his back and following her. Trieze is then dropped on his head in a tutu and they fall through the floor. Noin runs out holding a cardboard looking space Taurus around her middle, stops on an X looking suspiciously like Libra and is punched in the face by a big boxing glove on a spring. Dorothy then comes out from behind the wall flying the words "Maxwell Python's Flying Circus" on a kite.The whole scene is then stepped on by a giant cutout of a foot accompanied by a squishing noise.:::

_________________________

Trowa's voice is heard off screen to the green slides.

"how to recognize trees from really far away."

"and now number one" :::click::::

"the larch, the larch" :::click:: ::pic of a tree pops up:::

"the larch"

"and now number one" :::click::::

"the larch, the larch" :::click:: ::pic of a tree pops up:::

"the larch"

____________________________

Once again we see Duo sitting at his desk in his nice suit, however this time the desk is sitting in the middle of the road somewhere presumably in the area once called Britain.

"And now for a woman with a tape recorder up her nose."

Relena stands on a stage with a lovely red curtain backdrop. She is dressed all out in her Sank Kingdom Ambassador outfit. Looking at the crowd with a small smile on her face she holds up her index finger and exaggerates showing it to the crowd. After a little more of this she then smiles a bit more before calmly placing the finger up her nose. Out comes the sound of the beginning strains of White Reflection. Smirking a bit more she removes her finger and shows it once more to the crowd before sticking it up the other nostril as the sound of rewinding is heard. When it has rewound sufficiently she yanks out the digit shows it off again, then sticks it up the first nostril. This time as the music starts she begins to bob her head to the beat.

_______________________________

Heero's whispered voice is heard off screen.

"and now for the fish slapping dance"

Duo and Wufei are on a pier dressed in khakis, they stand glaring into the camera before the outfits are changed back to the priest uniform and martial arts thingy respectively. The funny music begins and Duo darts forward raising his knees very high and slaps Wufei on the face with two little fishies. Right fish hits left cheek and vice versa and then goes back to his original position some three feet away. This act is repeated several times, then he retreats back to where he started and stands still. Wufei gives the camera a very big smile then smacks Duo off the pier into the water with a very big salmon which has the words "Justice Fishie" written on its side.

____________________________

Catherine is sitting at a news desk dressed as a man, complete with moustache.

"and now for the Earthsphere Alliance Housewives Guild's production of the massacre at Maxwell church." Screen behind her is zooms in on and enlarged to fill the whole screen and shows Duke Dermail is dressed up as a very ugly woman. 

"now what we were trying to do this year is try to put out a more cheerful play than last year's Battle at the Ancient Pearl Harbor. Of course we are the first Housewives Guild to use this production and we hope it will go over well" he says in a very feminine voice before bringing a whistle to his lips. Screen goes over to the beach as the whistle goes off. And Trieze, Pargan, Trowa, Quatre, Heero, Duo, Zechs, Alex and Mueller, who all rush out from the two different sides of the camera dressed in 70's women's clothing and hats and start to beat at each other with big baggy purses, before the whole thing ends up in a tackle.

____________________________

Trowa's voice is heard off screen to the green slides.

"and now number one" :::click::::

"the larch, the larch" :::click:: ::pic of a tree pops up:::

"the larch"

____________________________

Heero's whispered voice is heard off screen.

"and now how to make a sheep into an airplane"

Lady Une and Sally Po are standing in a classroom with a yellow backdrop, they're wearing lab coats and berets. And Sally has on a French looking moustache. They begin by pointing to the picture of a sheep with bird's wings on the blackboard and mumbling insensible things with a French accent all the while pointing at the sheep. They then get really excited and start hopping around flapping their arms like wings and "baaa"-ing like sheep. Once they have calmed down again they start to explain.

"en, hon, hon." starts Sally with her bad French accent. "now to make zee shee~p (pronounces the "p" with a "pop"-ing noise) fly-I-I? But how? " they then start running around pointing at the sheep and babbling nonsensical things that sound French. " ah zee wings! Zee wings!" they now gasp as if it's the most brilliant thing anyone's ever thought of.

"but to get it off ground?" Lady Une looks puzzled till Sally pulls off her moustache and sticks it, crookedly, on Une's face. "oh oh!" she gets an epiphany. "zee propelar!!" she then lifts up the sheep's tail and reveals a propeller coming out its butt. They jump around at this new idea before settling down once again. "et zee piolot?! A` la tete! A` la tete!!" baa-ing wildly they lift off a section of the sheep's head to show a cockpit. Peeling off the moustache and putting it back on Sally's face at a more outrageous angle they proceed.

"mais zee baggage? Et les voyagers? ! Ou? Ou? Ou est les voyagers?!" switching the moustache franticly between themselves they babble in something that sounds French but not quite which appears to be a discussion (term is used loosely) about where to put luggage and passengers. Taking the moustache back once again Sally looks to the audience very importantly and smugly. "un idee`! zee middle!" she now gets self-important and opens the midsection of the sheep via two flaps to show rows of seats and a luggage section. They are now in a little tizzy and are so excited that they start jumping up and down flapping their arms like chickens and "baa"-ing like sheep. After about two minutes of this the sheep now intact with only the wings to make it different takes off. It flies over a nice cardboard city and some countryside before it flies up to the cardboard Gundam HeavyArms, which then proceeds to shoot it out of the sky. The sheep banks sharply and falls headlong into the ground at a 90 degree angle.

____________________________

"and now number one" :::click::::

"the larch, the larch" :::click:: ::pic of a tree pops up:::

"the larch"

"and now number two" :::click::::

"the birch, the birch" :::click:: ::pic of a different tree pops up:::

"the birch"

Trieze walks up with a microphone to Alex and Mueller dressed as school boys.

"now are you confident that you could recognize a larch from really far away?" they just stare at him and the camera warily. "now what is your name?"

"Alex"

"now Alex do you think you could tell a larch from really far away?"

"I don't know "

__________________________

Duo's desk is now on the back of a moving truck, unfazed by this he continues in a calm voice:

"And now for a woman with a tape recorder up her bother's nose."

Once again the Sank princess is on her lovely red curtained stage, but in addition to her we also see Zechs handsomely dressed in his Ambassador's outfit as well leaning in toward his sister. Dramatically Relena once again shows off her index finger, and without further ado plunges it up her brother's right nostril. Again comes the sound of White Reflection. Pulling it out she then rewinds the music though the other side of his nose. The words 'And Now In Stereo' flash across the screen. Relena now takes both hands and shoves her index fingers up both Zechs' and her noses. The music comes out a bit off, but the two start to smile widely as they begin bobbing their heads to the music. The shot changes to show an empty amphitheater where only Noin and Dorothy stand clapping. Wufei then runs out in his little white Chinese out fit screaming and smacking people with his sword.

"Injustice!! Onna this show has become entirely too silly and it's going off now! Do you hear me?! ONNA!!"

_________________________

Author's notes: Stacey-Marie stands up and starts hopping from foot to foot in time with her song: 

"Give me feedback

Gi~ve me feedback

Give me feedback

Give me fee~dback"

Having said that I can now tell you in good conscience that he next installment of this will include the Spam and the Blancmange sketches depending on the feed back I get for this…..


	2. episode two

Title: GW Goes Monty Python (or Stacey-Marie watched the tape of the six hours which she slept during the BBC marathon one too many times)

Author: Stacey-Marie

Pairings: none

Part: 2/ ?

Warnings: bad versions of Monty Python and general idiocy

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and all of it's characters, mecha and other miscellaneous stuff isn't mine so don't sue me because you have a better chance of finding a live cabbit in my room than something of value. Of course Monty Python doesn't belong to me or I would be a really rich SOB, however I'm using it's various sketches and splicing them with GW for my own insane purposes.

GW Goes Monty Python (or Stacey-Marie watched the tape of the six hours which she slept during the BBC marathon one too many times) Episode Two:

Looking in through an open window we see Dorothy undressing. Camera zooms out to show Duo standing on a painting scaffold right out side. Dorothy screeches and grabs something to cover herself; totally oblivious Duo continues: 

"And now for something completely different."

___________________________

The camera looks at a very large cliff. Suddenly Zechs' body is thrown off at a high speed, he falls and falls and falls some more, hitting some rocks on the way down. Finally on the beach he starts crawling toward the camera. His uniform is in total disrepair and his hair in knots. Finally, reaching the camera he collapses, wheezing out:

"It's: " 

_________________________

****

Maxwell Python's Flying Circus-s-s 

: The words pop out of several roses which are followed down to show that they're coming out of Trieze's head as he sits in a bath. His head pops open to let out an Aries, Leo and space Taurus. They begin to fly away before Libra is dropped on the whole scene. It cracks like an egg and out run the chibi scientists. They scatter in all directions as Lady Une is rolled by on a gurney in a straight jacket. Noin rushes past in the opposite direction leading a pack of ducks to battle and Heero following behind with some feathers in his hair. Scene changes to show a paper Duo in Death's robes. A troop of Oz soldiers walk by, Duo pulls out a scythe from behind his back. Holding it over his head like a maniac he grows fangs and his eyes turn red as he takes off in pursuit. He trips on the robes and the scene zooms in to show Trowa on his back being bounced up and down like a ball by a lion. Camera moves over into the inside of a space colony. A giant naked Wufei lounges across the street looking very embarrassed. He pulls the words "Maxwell Python's Flying Circus" out from behind his back to cover himself. The image of Quatre dressed in Arab robes leans down from the ceiling shaking his finger angrily. The whole scene is then stepped on by a giant cutout of a Gundam foot accompanied by a squishing noise.:::

_________________________

Wufei sits on a horse staring at the screen dressed up as a Genghis Khan complete with a large wooden club.

"Lemon curry?"

____________________________

Dr. G and Dr. J, dressed horribly as an old woman mind you, are staring out the window into their astro-turf space colony lawn. Duo is sitting there just staring into space with a pair of cat ears on his head and a bell attached to his cleric's collar. The doorbell rings.

"That'll be the vet dear," says J in a worried voice. "I'll get the door."

He walks back in a second later leading Howard who is wearing his traditional Hawaiian shirt and sandals under a black suit. His glasses are prescription, yet still remain their interesting shape. He carries a briefcase, is smoking a pipe, and looks quite mad (the insane type mind you).

"Thank you for coming Dr." says G as he shakes Howard's hand.

"Yes, well it is my job. So," he helps himself to a chair and motions for the couple to take a seat. "Now tell me what is the matter with your pilot?"

"Well-" starts G.

"shhh!" says J before turning away from "her" husband. "Well he just won't move."

Howard lifts an eyebrow.

"He's not dead is he?"

"Oh-."

"Shh! No he's not dead."

"Oh thank God," says Howard pulling his pipe out of his mouth. "I thought for a minute is was too late. Tell me more."

"You see-"

"Shh! He just sits there all day, we have to bring him Alliance soldiers to kill. He won't even pilot Deathscythe" sniffles J.

"I see, now in my professional opinion I'd say your pilot badly needs to be confused."

"Confused?" says J, G has learned his lesson and not even attempted to speak this time.

"Yes, but I'm afraid I'm not qualified to handle this. Here's the card of a highly trained specialist." Howard hands J a business card.

"Oz Perplex-a-Pilot?"

Scene changes to show the Oz truck pulling up to the house. Truck is a large white moving van with "Oz Perplex-a-Pilot" plastered tackily across the side. Zechs jumps out of the driver's seat in full dress uniform, and rushes to the back. Flinging open the doors as quickly as possible he steps back as Alex, Mueller, Walker, Noin and Trowa jump out and form ranks. Zechs inspects them then stands at attention as a big fancy limousine pulls up, complete with those spiffy little flags. Lady Une steps stiffly out dressed in a driver's uniform. With sharp crisp steps she walks to the back and opens up the door with a small bow. Trieze steps out with a smile and waves in the direction of all the flashbulbs now going off. That finished he starts off in the direction of Zechs, Une shuffles behind dusting off his epaulets. 

"Commander!"

"Yes Sir?!" Zechs steps up smartly and salutes.

"Are the troops all ready for combat?"

"Yes Sir!"

"Alright." Trieze draws his sword. "Ready? Charge!!" Screaming like madmen the Oz soldiers charge the house until they reach the stoop where they abruptly stop. As Trieze puts away his sword Une rushes forward to ring the doorbell. Then steps back to her place to wait, please note that she is now in her normal uniform. After a minute J slowly opens the door like the creaky old housewife he is and lets them in. The troops follows J through the house and into the backyard where Duo is still staring off into space. While J wrings his hands looking at Duo with worry he is joined by G as the troops begin to set up. Trieze gives orders for the set up waving his sword around as he gives the directions. Five minutes later a small stage is erected and Zechs rushes over to where Trieze, Lady Une, J and G are standing.

"Pereperations complete sir!"

"Do you really think this will work?" J askes in a pitiful voice.

"By God I hope so." replies Trieze. He raises his sword, then drops it decisively. "Alright begin the countdown! 3…2…1 and all that." 

Screen focuses on the stage where Walker and Noin suddenly appear out of mid air dresses up as boxers. They begin to circle each other jumping lightly back and forth on their toes as cheesy drum music starts. As they circle Noin's tank top in suddenly changes to a yellow and orange flower print triangle bikini top; the two on stage are completely unaffected. Noin's shorts are swapped seconds later for the bottom half of said bikini, Noin is still wearing her boxing gloves and headgear. The two fighters outfits then totally swap, they circle a bit more then Noin is replaced by Trowa in the same equipment but dressed like Howard. Walker's outfit then swaps back to his original one but with a top hat instead of headgear. As the two circle some more the outfits sporadically switch. Suddenly one of Walker's legs is missing, he falls through the floor with a loud splash. Trowa looks around confused before a penguin hits him on the head from behind. He turns but then is immediately replaced by Mueller jumping on a pogo stick. He starts going around the penguin in circles. As this is happening a huge barrel of water appears and Trowa pops up with a fish in his mouth. Noin runs on stage after him as Mueller and the penguin pop out of existence. Trowa ducks beneath the water, Noin does a swan dive in after him. Noin resurfaces and looks around confused, she stands and her feet pop out the bottom of the now empty barrel as it is now her outfit. Alex rides out on stage on a tricycle followed closely by the penguin. Walker pops up next to Noin dressed as Marie Antoinette, they look at each other then switch places and clothes. Suddenly they have swords and begin to fight. Walker in changed in for Trowa once again dressed as Howard. Shortly after, Noin is replaced by the penguin. Trowa shrieks and runs off stage followed by the penguin. Mueller pogos across stage again while Noin appears in midair and sits fishing into the barrel sit dressed as Marie Antoinette with her dress hiked up to her knees and bare feet. Mueller disappears and a trunk pops up on the left. Trowa opens it from the inside and rushes out, the penguin jumps out next and takes off after him with Mueller pogoing out in hot pursuit. Alex pops his head out of Noin's barrel dressed as a pirate and pulls her in by her ankle. She sheiks as she is pulled totally underwater, Alex then climbs up the rope ladder hanging in front of him. The barrel of water disappears and he is barely at the top when he is knocked down by Trowa, the penguin and Mueller chasing each other. He falls and lay unconscious on the floor as the three run around in circles trying to catch one another. Trowa trips on Alex and falls into the penguin. The penguin grabs onto Mueller's pogo stick and thy al fall into one big heap before disappearing. A second later Noin, Alex, Mueller, Walker, and Trowa reappear and take a bow holding hands. They then give a little jump and wink out of existence again.

Screen goes back to J, G, and Trieze, who are anxiously looking at Duo. Duo is staring at the stage with a rather dumfounded look on his face and a raised eyebrow. After a minute or so he gets up and climbs into Deathscythe which has been parked by a tree in the yard. J gives a joyous shout and latches on to G. Without even trying to detach J, G shakes Trieze's hand.

"How can we ever repay you?"

"Oh it's nothing. All in a day's work for..." dramatic pause as Trieze looks directly into the camera. "Perplex-a-pilot!"

Deathscythe promptly steps on all of them.

_________________________

Trowa is standing on a street corner dressed as a mid-70's housewife complete with an odd little hat and matching purse. He's smoking a cigarette and standing like he knows everything.

"Lemon curry?" he asks skeptically. "Well you know what _I_ always said about lemon curry…"

____________________________

The scene shows a battlefield, the destructed parts of Wing Gundam can be scene in the distance. And two random Oz soldiers are making their way across the field piling up corpses on a cart. Random Oz Soldier One is ringing a triangle as he walks.

"Bring out your dead! Bring out you dead!" 

Zechs walks up to him carrying Heero's body and begins to pay as Heero shifts a little and seems to wake up, then calls out over Zechs' shoulder.

"I'm not dead yet."

"Ummm…how much for someone who isn't quite dead yet?"

"Well I can't take him if he's not dead" say Random Oz Soldier One in a British Accent.

"Oh come on" pleads Zechs, now with a British accent himself. "He's about to keel off any minute now."

"No No No. I can't wait for him to die I have to get over to route two. Units 02 and 04 took out a whole bunch of our men."

"Really, I'm fine. Can I have my laptop?" Heero called out still thrown over Zechs' shoulder.

"See? He's not dead!" exclaimed Random Oz Soldier One pointing with his triangle stick at Heero.

"He's lying. He's quite beaten up, internal bleeding and all. He's about to go any minute now."

"I'm perfectly fine. I want to go on a mission in fact."

"You're not fooling anybody." Zechs said turning his head in Heero's direction for a minute before slipping Random Oz Soldier One some money. Nonchalantly he walks over to Heero and zaps him with a tazer. Heero twitches for a second and goes limp. Zechs dumps the body on the cart and then walks away smiling.

_______________________________

Lady Une stands staring at the camera dressed as a Roman General.

"Lemon curry?"

____________________________

Shot of Zechs' unconscious body still as it was after his first clip (clothing torn to shreds, hair = tangles, dirty mass of Hell), random stick from off screen moves in to poke him. Startled, Zechs wakes up with a little jump. Blearily looking around at his surroundings he slowly, and painfully judging from the sound of all the popping and cracking of miscellaneous bones, stands. Glaring at the camera for all he's worth, Zechs turns and starts limping off the beach. As he climbs over the very large boulders that have suddenly appeared the credits begin to scroll.

__________________________

End Episode Two. 

^_^..i need more reviews before I can do the Blancmange …::grumbles::: and like our months ago I found someone did something else with the spam so mine will have to wait. Sorry for the small amount of sketches but I figure their length makes up for it…now here are my list of demands!:

fork over the reviews. (come on I made an ep 2..::pouts::)

everyone campaign to BBC America to have a Monty Python Marathon every month (this will give me more material!..nah..i just don't remember what time they stuck MP at now….)

while you're there campaign for the Black Adder series to be put back on..(dammit I liked that!)

wear silly hats on Tuesdays

that is all. You may now go about your assigned tasks.


End file.
